Monday, January 22, 2007

breathe, in and out, in and out

I read bc blogs.  No, I haven't stopped like I said I would.  I should have.  One gal was listing people who have died, just this week.  Their bc metasta.....however you spell it.  They think they are fine, cancer free, going about their everyday business, but all the while cancer is setting up shop in their various organs and bones.  This blog really got to me.  I couldn't even finish reading it.  Tears are streaming down my face.  I'm picturing myself in this position.  What if cancer is eating away at me without me knowing it?  What about my kids?  What would I say to them?  What would we do?  Would I use my time doing painful, debilitating treatments, hoping it works?  Augh!  Why is this haunting me now??

I hate it.

4 comments:

mzgoochi said...

I know the feeling.:(

amyrangei said...

Wow, I would just say live life to the fullest?  Probably easier to say than do though  :(

Amy

gosso23 said...

Oh lord, I know just how you feel. I am worried every minute.  I just went to the doctors today and and during my breast exam I was really tender in a spot near the lumectomy....so what does the doctor do...order a mammogram and ultra sound..now I'm thinking..hmmmm...is this chemo working. So you are not alone in your worries.  I think it is just a normal part of our "journey".
Take care
Trish

demandnlilchit said...

We know that some people don't beat this terrible disease and some people do....we HAVE to believe that we are on the survivor side....we HAVE to believe that we will beat cancer and help the next person along that gets this horrible diagnosis. From every other survivor that I have spoken to, they all agreed that the first couple of years living with this fear is the worse....as time passes so does the anxiety of it coming back.

I know with me I had to stop making 'cancer' the top priority in my life, I don't visit the BC board so much either, I have to stay positive (all the time) and I have to limit myself to 'reading' bad news..it only scares the hell out of me and I have to focus on getting well and staying well, no need to go looking for bad news when it's chomping on the bit to find me....so take a vacation from the BC blogs, give your mind something positive to focus on....like the beauty of the Island and time spent with your boys.

Stephanie......you, me and trish will beat this!