Tuesday, August 26, 2008

every woman for herself!

I just had to call to schedule my mammogram.  It's been 3 weeks since my gyn appointment and have been patiently waiting for the mammogram dept. to call.  Gee.  If you don't look out for yourself, no one else is going to do it!

Go schedule yourself a squish if you are overdue!

BTW, the scheduler asked me, "so did you actually have breast cancer" - I knew she had pulled up my records on her computer.  For some reason, that just ticked me off.

Why am I in such an angry mood today??  I'm not liking myself too much.

PSA concerning dogs

First, I love dogs.  I've had a few in my lifetime, just not one at the moment.

The PSA is, if your dog goes running up to a stranger, if they are a friendly dog - call that out to the stranger "he's really friendly, he won't bite"; if he's not a friendly dog then bow and scrape and apologize profusely to the person.  You owe them at least that much.

Yesterday I was walking to the school to pick up my boys.  Same route as I always take.  Just a few yards down the street two HUGE (at least 150 lbs apiece) black lab mixes charge me barking ferociously.  I stop, because you don't want to infuriate a dog any further, and try to use a friendly voice, but these beasts were jumping and barking and surrounding me.  Not in a friendly way.  I had a large water bottle in one had and held one dog at bay with it, but the other literally put his mouth on my arm.  I felt his teeth and his wet lips on me.  I could tell that he was going to bite, but gave it a second thought and didn't.  I just knew I was going to lose my arm in a painful way.  Luckily labs are soft mouthed dogs, had it had a terrier mouth I would've been toast.  Where was the owner? - right there in his yard watching the whole thing.  He yelled once for the dogs - they didn't come immediately.  Then when they ran back to him, he hollered out a measely "sorry" and scurried off.  I yelled out that his dog bit me.  He was gone.

Hello?  To the owner:  I see you and your wife walk those two beasts every day.  I always smile, say hello and wave, even though you don't back.  You have to muzzle those beasts for your walks, and it's really not a walk, it's you being pulled down the road.  Those dogs each weigh more than you and are certainly stronger than you and your old, frail self.  The number to animal control is going onto my phone.  There will be no next time.  Had I had my boys with me - I shudder to think of how many years of therapy they would need.  *I* even cried afterwards.  I'm not crying any more.  I'm angry.  It doesn't matter that the dogs didn't hurt me.  They intimidated me and scared me.  Dogs are animals.  I believe that any person is capable of any thing, so what do you think I think about animals?

Rant over.

So, today, I went for my usual walk.  The couple was out with their dogs as usual.  They were sitting on a bus bench, I'm sure for a breather from being pulled by their dogs.  At that same time, a runner (the guy at Fleet Feet who sells me shoes) passes by.  I give him a big smile, Hi and wave - as usual, and give the couple the cold shoulder as I pass by.  Didn't even look at them.

Of course, being who I am, I feel bad about it.  Not very forgiving or Christ-like of me.  *sigh*  Maybe now that is out of my system I'll get over it and not hold a grudge.  Of course, I'll have to pray about it to get over my fear.  Because you know how it is, the story gets bigger and bigger - like a fish story.  Next thing you know I'll be saying the dogs ripped my arm to tatters and only the best plastic surgeon on the planet was able to put it back together.  LOL!  But it's challenging to even want to behave beyond my natural self.  God is so good.  It'll be interesting to see how this develops...

Monday, August 25, 2008

doctor appointment

Went to the plastic surgeon today.  My scar has healed enough for us to proceed to the next step.  He was measuring and stuff, and does acknowledge that the recon side is "that much lower" (showing me with his fingers), but I told him I'm ready to move forward.  So the nurse will call and schedule a date for the "cherry on top" to get made.  After that heals, it's on to the tattoo. 

While I was there he injected the other side, where I had the lift, because my scar was hypertrophic and it had been a year.  He said it would take a couple of injections, with 6 weeks in between.  I'm so ready for all this to be over.  It's been two years.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for a call to schedule my mammogram.  I'm going to have to call them, it seems.

I dropped a can of corn on my foot yesterday.  Left a nasty, painful bruise and a little lump.  Not broken.  But it hurts! 

Gary is going to Vegas tonight.  One of his fantasy football leagues is meeting to do the draft.  Why Vegas?  Yuck.  They should've chosen hawaii!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

racewalking on the olympics

I'm watching it right now.  It's very exciting.  It hurts my knees to watch them, because I've tried to walk like that, and it ain't fun or easy.  I really need to get professional instruction before I make any real effort to do it or I'll hurt myself.  I debate it.  Because I don't know if I want to go that fast.  Seriously.  I chose walking because it's doable.  This looks like too much work.  But it's still exciting.  It's laughable to hear the commentators talk about them "walking".  This is clearly not the average "walk".  They walk faster than a lot of people run.  I would like to kick up my speed though...

Speaking of walking, I've got to go to bed so I can get up early and do a long walk in the morning.  It will NOT be 20k.  Just 8 or 9 miles.  Depending on my cough and ability to get some sleep tonight.

Friday, August 15, 2008

cholesterol results

drumroll please...

for the first time in my 43 years of life, my cholesterol is


here are the stats:

total: 195

HDL: 54

LDL: 124

Triglycerides: 83

plus all my other bloodwork is normal except my white cells elevated, but I've got a bad cold I've been fighting for 9 days.  I'm at the hacking cough stage.  Nyquil has been my nighttime friend.

To recap, last year stats were:

total: 224

hdl: 41

ldl: 156

triglycerides: normal (unspecifide)

I am so beyond thrilled, to say the least.  The WW Core plan is exactly how I need to eat.  I've never been a person who could get away with anything, and so it goes with my body.  Why should I expect anything different?  So, if I have to eat very strictly healthy foods only, then that's what I shall do.  I've been really happy on Core, with only little splurges here and there.  I have not been hungry - maybe I'll crave, especially depending on hormonal fluctuations - and I like the freedom to eat to satisfaction without having to measure every single morsel of food that goes in my mouth.  So now I'm going to have to become a full-fledged food snob.  :-)

So how is this affecting the family?  Gary is losing weight.  I don't know why.  I make them biscuits and french fries and stuff, they've only gotten a few new foods like barley and bulgur.  Whatever.  That's the way it is with men.  Jake - well the other day I made a chicken and barley casserole that has chopped up carrot (and this time I snuck in chopped up broccoli that no one noticed) and he mixed his corn in with it while he ate.  Think about it.  That's kinda unusual behavior for kids.  It was awesome!! Gotta love this kid.  Ryan - different story.  He complained the other night that we've been eating too many bird foods (heaven forbid we have chicken twice a week!).  So tonight I made ham.  "Awwwww, why do you keep making stuff like this?"  me- "what? it's ham, not bird! what do you want?" him "I want things like pizza!".  Ahhhh.  I see.  Not enough "fun food".  (never mind we had pizza twice last week)  p.s. he loved the ham -  tastes like bacon he said.  :-D

EDITED TO ADD:  I've lost 11 pounds so far since I've started WW in June.  Woo-hoo!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

this and that

I had my "well woman" visit today.  He put in referrals for a cholesterol test and mammogram.  I'm looking forward to the results of the cholesterol test.  The man hesitated when I told him that I wanted the results, good or bad.  He said he doesn't usually call if they are good.  Well, I want to know!  I need numbers.  (I'm eating as healthy as I can in a sustainable manner - if I can't control it now eating like this, I'll never be able to) He did acquiesce, but I did not like the hesitation.  He also hesitated when I asked him to check my back for moles.  In fact, he just checked the one I was concerned about - but here's the thing, I can't SEE my back, so how do I know if there is any other area of concern??  He's not my PCM.  Next time I'll hold out for her.  She wouldn't hesitate.  Oh, he also accused me of not taking my bp meds.  My bp was high, but he didn't bother to retest.  The computer did not have one of my meds listed, so he accused me of letting it lapse.  I set him straight, but he still gave me 'tude and believed the computer and not me.  I'm honest to a fault, so this was distressing to me.

Gary submitted his resume' today.  Fingers crossed!

I've got the start of a sore throat.  I started the Zicam tonight.  I hope it's not too late.

Oh, one good thing about the doc, he said that my recon was good.  He couldn't even tell.  I'm assuming that since he came in the room already knowing about my bc, you can't help but look at someone's boobs when you are armed with that information.  So whether he was looking or not, nothing stood out as noticable to him.  And that's what I want.

The nurse who was chaperoning noted that I had keloid scars where my good side was lifted.  Yes, I knew that, but it was good to hear it from someone who knows.  She gets them herself and she's black.  Darker skinned folks are more prone to keloids.  I knew it was either hypertrophic or keloid, but it was good to hear it confirmed by someone else.  The doc (plastic surgeon) has been brushing it off.  Maybe he's just been putting it off.  Anyway, I'm going to bring it up again.  I've got an appointment for the end of the month.  I think my recon scar has faded enough for us to begin work on the final touches.  The cherry on top, so to speak.  :-)

Big announcement:

I'm not ready for adolescence.  Or the pre-teen years/mouth.  One of my friend's is on the mainland for a week.  We had agreed that I'd walk her kids to school and then meet them at the playground afterwards and they hang with me until their 12 year old brother gets home and then he watches them until the dad gets home.  (he's coming home early)  The two I'm watching are 7 and 10.  They are super independent kids.  Allowed lots of freedoms.  Lots.  The first day I let them talk me into walking them home right after school.  I had gotten the gist from the parents that they were okay for about an hour and it would be about 10 minutes til brother was due home.  Anyway, the next day I was asked to keep them with me for a bit longer before taking them home.  Okay, no problem, message received and relayed to kids.  They left the playground without me!!  I searched for 45 minutes before finding them at some neighbors house.  Oh my word!!  They were not paying attention when I told them 3 times where I was sitting.  They didn't see me and just went home, but home was locked.  When I found them the 10yo was like "where were you" with that tone you should not use with an adult.  It was argumentative.  As in, he was already forming his defense.  Then the attitude I got later trying to get them to go to my house, since they were locked out of their house.    Oh, I could go on.  I know it doesn't sound bad here, you had to be there.  Today went more smooth, but when I asked 10yo whether he heard from his mom, he was all eye rolling and mouthy "yeah, she calls like twice a day, all the time, sometimes three times a day" (which I think is sweet) so I said "awww, she misses you" (no positive response, negative grumbling and eye rolling) and I said", it's like she didn't even leave" and he jumped all over that "yeah! it's just like she didn't even leave".  I wanted to smack him.  His mom is so cute and sweet.

Makes me love my own kids all the more.

10 years old is not that far away.  They had better not get that attitude in just 1+ years.

I told myself all weekend that my friend is counting on me to make sure her kids are safe.  That's what she's depending on, and that's what I would want in her place.  Plus I really don't wish harm on them.  I have to grow a backbone and stand firm when I need to.  (I do not have a backbone with other people's kids)  I also read an article in the Sunday paper that was about the struggles of the middle school years, and that helped to have an insight into the insanity that kids go through at this age.  10 years old isn't quite middle school, but close, and the 12 year old has the 'tude too.

Anyway, that's not even addressing that I think 12 is too young to look after younger brothers...