Friday, September 26, 2008

dazed and confused?

First off, it's good news.  I didn't even have to get a biopsy.  They ultrasounded me to death, taking pictures of the myriad of cysts I have (and there are a lot, he was estimating 20-30, but that's probably an exaggeration).  These were the reasons given to me.  They saw scar tissue consistent with the surgeries I've had, there are so many cysts and they all look like the same kind, it's not concerning to them.  If there were just 2 or 3, then they'd biopsy.  The guy said, why biopsy just a few, you'd have to do them all!  I don't know about that reasoning, but he's supposed to be The Breast Man at the hospital, the Mammogram Expert.  I believe him, but what about what the other two guys saw??  Aren't they just as qualified?  One of the men from last time was the radiologist who shot me full of radiation for my SNB.  I dunno.  I would have liked to have had the same docs or had those docs pulled in to confirm that they were viewing what they saw last time.

So the game plan is this: they have put in orders for an MRI in 6 months.  And I'll have MRI's yearly after that.  So my breast will be looked at every 6 months, either by MRI or mammogram.  I am happy with that. 

So what happened to my moxy, my bluff and bluster to get a prophylactic mastectomy if it turned out benign?  I don't know.  I'm kinda confused.  I guess since they didn't poke me, and I feel thoroughly examined, I don't feel that angst so much.  I think that the next time I get hauled in for a biopsy, that's when I'll say "enough".

My emotions are starting to resolve themselves.  I walked out of that place in a daze.  I suppose you'd guess I'd be jumping up and down for joy, but I didn't know how to react.  I guess I don't trust that I asked the right questions or probed and questioned enough.  Should I take them at their word?  I did confirm with them that they knew I had breast cancer on the other side.  Yes, they did.  And I think that's why they ordered the yearly MRI.  Because MRI's aren't cheap - it's hard to get that approved.  I'm concerned about our current station in life and the future.  With Gary contemplating retirement, we won't always have the stability of our health insurance.  And we won't always have the safety of a large, all-inclusive hospital.  I've made it clear to Gary that this is something he HAS to include in his consideration of our future.  I'm not of good health.  We need good insurance and we need to live in a place that is not a health-care black hole.

So right now I'm awaiting a return phone call from the plastic surgeon nurse.  Get that back in the works.


gosso23 said...

Oh Steph, you must be so confused. All I can say is if they really thought there was concern they would be doing something. I had and still do have the same situation. I can feel something there, they can feel it too but it won't show up on an ultrasound. I have had the MRI's too. All I can do is trust that they are not seeing anything to be concerned about. I know what you mean about insurance too. My husband wants to change jobs so bad but with my health we are afraid to make the move. Life is so complicated!!! lol
Take care ok. Everything will work out.

lanurseprn said...

It's good that you trust your Doctors, but if you are at all unsure or anxious you can always talk to them again. I'm sure they know what they are doing though.
I'm glad you will get a yearly MRI. That's a blessing.
Take care of yourself and if you feel anything different go straight back and make them check you out again.