newest prospect on the job horizon

Okay, just a little while ago I told you that we may get to go to Japan next.  I've been so excited about that, I've even started trying to learn the Japanese alphabet...

Yesterday Gary tells me of another prospect.  Ft. Bragg, NC.  I know, you're thinking, why?  You poor thing.  Well, it's not all that bad.  We've been trying for that for EVER and never get sent there.  Yes, the only soldier in the Army who actually ASKS to go there, and doesn't get sent.  We've (I've) wanted it purely for location.  It's close to home.  We (I) don't like that it's HOT and highly deployable.  Anyway, Gary and his boss were talking about someone who works there that they both know and mentioned that he liked his job.  The boss agreed that this would be a great job for him.  So, the next day boss is on the phone with the placement folks talking about other stuff and he mentions this job and now there is a notation on Gary's file.

How's them apples?

Japan,     Ft. Bragg.        Hmmmmm.

So, my other bit of exciting news.  Gary was supposed to go to Australia this fall.  His passport expires very soon.  In order to get a VISA he has to have had a valid passport for 6 months.  Theoretically, he isn't supposed to need a passport, but, yeah, right...  This is a little problem.  So, boss was scheduled to go to Australia in April next year and has proposed to swap trips since he and his wife were going to visit Australia this fall for two weeks anyway.  Suh-weet!  Because *I* get to go!  We are going to make a proposition to my MIL and SIL to come for two weeks, on us, to vacay and babysit!  I told him, if we don't get to go to Japan, then he BETTER take me to Australia!  This is probably the last time we'll live in Hawaii and the closest we'll ever be to Australia.

I'm kinda liking this boss.  :-)

oh, last little tidbit.  This is embarrassing.  I bought new running shoes (for my walking) today.  Went to a proper sports store and got them to measure me and watch my gait, all that good stuff.  He pulls out a couple of shoes - get this - size 10 wide!  <faint>  My normal shoe size is 8 1/2 narrow.  When I buy my own walking shoes I buy size 9 regular.  These boats look like mens shoes.  They're huge!  But oh the wiggle room for the toes.  Very nice.  Lot's of space.  You need that when you walk for hours in the blazing heat.  Your feet swell.  Egads.  I'm going to have to wear these on the plane - they would take up too much room in the luggage.  need their own overhead compartment.

Starts with an S

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but it looked fun.  I got this from http://journals.aol.com/buggieboo1/ThisMommasDrama/

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following... They MUST be real places, names, things...

NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it.

You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Stephanie

Famous Music artist/group: Sly & the Family Stone

3 letter word: Sit

Color: slate

Gift/present:  smelly cologne?

Vehicle:  Sienna

TV Show: Sally Jessie Raphael?

Country:  Sierra Leone

Boy's Name: Sidney

Girl's Name: Sydney  (I have one of each in my family)

Alcoholic drink:  Scotch?                           

Occupation: Sanitation Worker

Flower: squash blossom

Celebrity:  Stephanie Powers  (LOL! I'm stuck in the past it seems)

Food:  s'mores

Reason for Being Late: slow traffic

Something You Shout:  Sue-wee!

hair pictures and anniversary

Got my hair cut and colored today, highlights and lowlights.  FINALLY got rid of the Prince Valient look.  Goodness, I saw her chopping off 3 inches!  I wonder how short it will be when I do it myself in the morning.  I decided to take a picture of it "fixed".  This is more appropriate for going out, I like it a bit more casual for everyday wear.  I tried to take a picture of the back, but that was too hard.  She really went wild curling it upwards.  And my hair is happy to oblige.  LOL!  I think the color has knocked a few years off my age, or at least has brought me back to my age.  That gray was just too old!

Yesterday was our anniversary.  Married 19 years!!  Woo-hoo!  Gary had Friday off and the boys were in school, so that was the little bit of time we had together.  We ran out to the store and bought the first season of Lost.  We don't buy DVD's or videos, so that was special.  And we watched as much of it as we could.  And every evening, after the boys go to bed, we've been trying to watch the rest of the episodes.  We still have a ways to go.  Season 1 is so good!

Our weekend:  Saturday the boys had a birthday party to go to.  They had one of those bounce houses.  At the end of the party, Ryan was complaining that he was feeling bad.  I thought it may have been the heat coupled with all the candy and junk - plus, a boy there threw up.  But he had a fever and had the fever all day sunday.  I blame the nasty bounce house.  Those things have to be teaming with little kid germs.  Then Jake came down with the fever on Monday.  Jake and Gary went to Punchbowl, a veterans cemetary, with the cubscouts and put leis and flags on the graves on Sunday.  I took Ryan to see Shrek 3 on Monday.  Jake didn't want to see it and he was sick anyway.

Hope y'all had a good long weekend.  Happy Memorial Day and thank you to all the veterans.

Rule #2

I've thought long and hard about this.  I've got several ideas, but they are just going to have to wait their turn.

Rule (should I change that to New Habit?) #2: Eat a piece of fruit in the a.m.

Like I said before, this is custom-made for me to fix my current dietary failings.  I've noticed that the first thing I drop, when I fall off of a diet, is all those fruits and vegetables that are required on a diet.  My ultimate goal is to eat healthy.  So this fits perfectly in with my goal.  The rule is simple.  Notice I didn't say, get your 5 a day, baby steps folks!  The rule is flexible.  Eat fruit sometime between waking up and before lunch.  The rule is positive.  It's a Do, not a Don't.  But, believe it or not, I think it will be hard for me.   Usually, when I come home from my walk, I'm hungry and want to eat something that is easy and fulfilling.  Along the lines of cheese and triscuits.  Yes, fruit is theoretically easy, but not really.  The sliced apple and handful of nuts just isn't satisfying.  But I think that's more a matter of mind.  I hope it becomes a natural normal part of my day.

Weighed myself this morning.  I've lost 2 more pounds!  Who knew?!  Actually, I'm thinking I was hanging on to a whole lot of extra weight, it won't come off as easy anymore, but that positive little boost has given me the incentive to keep rule #1 a permanent part of my life!

let's talk about food!

I feel like talking about food.

Grandpa, what's fer supper?  Bar-b-que sammiches, co' slaw, beans, hush puppies and strawberry shortcake.  Yum-yum!   

Did you ever watch Hee-Haw?  LOL!

I made angel food cake last night (despite my defunct oven) and this morning threw together the slaw - made using a Bill Phillips (aka mr. body for life) recipe.  Easy supper - all I have to do is heat the other stuff up.  Rachel Ray ain't got nothing on me!  We don't get barbeque here very much and it just struck me that I wanted to make it (er, dump it out of the container and heat it up).  How do you decide what to fix for supper?

Normally I fall into a rut - grill some meat, fix a vegetable and a starch, cut up fruit for dessert.  Maybe even some of those frozen Pillsbury biscuits if I think that most of the meal is not going to go over well with the natives.  This week I've been a little more creative.  Makes me feel like a good cook and a good provider.

I figure the more we eat at home, the healthier we'll stay.  Less fat, salt and sugar and maybe someone (or two or three) will take a bite of vegetables and fruit.  I'm trying to brainwash my children into thinking that fruit is a dessert - even if it is occasionally in the form of strawberry shortcake.  We do indulge in the occasional ice cream sandwich or push up.

It's funny, because when my parents were here, my mom got exhausted thinking about supper.  She asked me if we always ate like this.  Like what?  I was confused, because she always threw the most elaborate suppers - all homemade - and mine are by no means elaborate.  I think it's age, on her part.  She used to make all that harder-to-fix stuff, like pepper steak, stew beef, liver and onions (yuk!), curried fruit, lasagne (not so much spaghetti), homemade bread, rolls, stroganoff, chicken fried steak, etc., etc.  I have long given up casseroles and frying anything.  So *I* think what I make is simple.  And boring.

Maybe once I get started on working on my recipes, mealtime will get more interesting and eating out will be less tantilizing.

return of the fun guy

<cue ominous music> duh-duh-duh-dummmmmm!

Well, I don't have a fungus, but I'm back on the same cream I was put on after the mastectomy.  It cracks me up.  The uses says it's to treat skin infections such as athlete's foot, jock itch, ringworm and certain kinds of dandruff.  LOL!  Yeah, the last time they prescribed it, I freaked a little.  Felt a little insulted and grossed out.  But he said it is to prevent a fungus.  All this sweating and the heat and the scratching - not to mention the allergy.

I went in to the doc this morning after crying on my walk home from school.  I was itching so so bad.  The itching had subsided to tolerable levels over the weekend, but last night it flared up and then this morning was just awful.  When I got home and took off my clothes to take a shower, a red rashiness had creeped down my rib area. (it was extremely hot this morning, it's been that way all week, and I was dripping sweat just from the short walk)  The shower didn't help, I was scratching and crying in there too.  The doc told me that a cool shower helps.  Now I know.

Anyway, I feel vindicated.  They looked at me in horror (and maybe a little bit of that "that's so cool!" fascination they get, LOL!).  Redness and itchiness that you know is exacerbated by heat and sweat is the kind of thing that you really debate whether or not this is something you go in to the doctor over.  But when I saw it had spread, I knew that was wrong.

Another vindication is that he confirmed that I'm allergic to the ding dang steri strips. (apologies for the language)  Well, the stuff they paint on you to stick on the steri strips.  He called it benzoine or benozine - I gotta google it - that and something that starts with an "M" but I can't remember it.  He said if I ever had another surgery to make sure I told them to not use it.  Well, hello!  I've been telling you people that from the beginning!  Not to worry.  I took pictures.  My next surgery, I'm bringing it and maybe that will make an impression.  The good news is I've been given the okay to peel off the steri strips!  I managed to get about half of them off already.

And my last vindication: according to the hospital scales, I've lost 2 pounds since last week!  Ya-hoo!  Makes me feel good because last night it was really hard to not grab a late snack and now I'm glad I didn't.

Oh, the nurse also said that a bag of frozen peas helps a lot.  I'm doing fine right now - but maybe after I pick the boys up from school I'll need that tip.

my next new thing...

let's see how long this will last.  I'm famous for starting stuff, not too good at finishing though.

I'm disgusted by my weight.  My belly is beyond description.  The other day I tried to do a crunch, oh, the embarrassment.  If I'm going to have little boobs, I'm going to have to have a little body to go with them.

I don't diet.  Oh, I've done a couple of diets in my day, but they seem to cause that horrible rebellious backlash resulting in many pounds regained.  However, I have picked up on a couple of good habits.  Like drinking water and walking daily.  I just cannot make myself journal what I eat, because I lie, and I can't bear the thought of counting calories and weighing and measuring.  And the minute I cut a food out, that's all I want to eat.

So I'm embarking on making my own diet.  I'm going to trick myself somewhat.  Hey, tricking myself worked with the spongebob thing, so maybe it'll work with establishing healthy eating habits.  Here's what I'm going to do.  I'm an all or nothing kind of person, I've discovered.  So I plan on implementing one "rule" a week.  Or every two weeks if necessary.  Flexibility is key.  How hard can it be to stick to one thing?  Instead of following 20 rules, failing at 1 and then throwing the whole thing in the trash, I'll do just 1 thing.  The failure rate would be so much slimmer. (hey, I didn't take statistics for nothin')  Plus, I plan on mixing up negative rules and positive rules.  Too many negatives makes for a grumpy gal.  Some of the rules have to be hard for any weight loss to happen - like reducing portion size or <shudder> let's not go that far yet.  But discipline is good, even for a short time.  I figure that along the way, I'll establish a few more good permanent habits that will help me for a lifetime, not just the meantime.

Okay, the tricking part.  I'm going to try to word these things as positively as possible and trick myself where I can.  For example, this week the rule is "no eating after 8 pm".  Here's the evil genius part (in my mind, at least).  I didn't put, "no food after supper" because that's too restrictive and negative.  I still have the option to have a little dessert if I need/want it - but at least it won't be right before I go to bed.  Plus, I'm too busy or full to want to eat until after we put the boys to bed at 8:30.  So, if I get that little craving after the boys go to bed, oops!  It's after 8, can't eat!  Therefore, I end up not eating after supper anyway!  Semantics, in a way, but it's worked for me so far!

I might set up a spot on the sidebar here to list my rules as time goes on.  I really don't plan on this being a dietary journal, so I may put it on my myspace blog (which I hardly ever do anything with). 

If you have a good rule that you think I should implement, leave a comment please.  I can always use some good ideas!

The other thing I'm going to do is collect my favorite recipes that are healthy, quick and tasty and make my own personal cookbook.  I've got so many cookbooks.  Maybe not quite a 100, but I haven't counted.  Too many.  Plus I have tons of loose recipes.  I keep tucking away my favorites and forgetting about them.  But if I combine my love for scrapbooking and cooking, then maybe I will come up with a bunch of recipes that are handy dandy and will reduce the excuses and need to go out to eat so much.

Maybe it'll keep me from journaling so much about the "girls".  LOL!

Abba Father

I think it was Thursday when I was sitting here all distraught and crying and feeling sorry for myself.  And feeling alone.  I was even saying to myself, you need to take it to God - but I was refusing that.  I really wanted a hug from someone.  A little sympathy from a real person.  I even posted on here some of my disappointment, but I held back, threw in a few upbeat parts.  Didn't work.  I wanted a pity party by golly!

So I relented.  No, I wasn't going to pray.  Just read the chapter to get ready for the Bible study that night that I had already planned not to go to.  2nd chapter of Daniel.  No, there was not one single inspirational verse that jumped out at me.  You know, that really hasn't ever happened to me.  I hear it happening all the time to other people...  Anyway.  Daniel is an exciting book of the Bible.  the lion's den, the firey furnace, dream interpretations - etc.  Chapter 2 was a dream interpretation.  And then it happened.  I was comforted.  Wha?  yep.  I was pulled up out of my little pity party.  Got a glimpse of the big picture.  The big picture will do that for ya sometimes.  The glimpse I got was that this world is wrong.  It's not as it was created initially.  Sin has ruined it - even the physicality of it.  Cancer is one of the by-products.  And cancer is what took a body part of mine.  Man can try to re-create it, and do a pretty good job - but it won't be perfect again until we get to heaven.  This that is happening to me is temporary.  Just a blip on the radar of eternity.  Not even a blip.

No big revelations.  Heard it all before.  And if any human person had said this to me - whammo!  Might've gotten socked in the face.  Okay that's melodramatic, but I would've wanted to do it.

We're studying God in Sunday School.  The past few weeks has been particularly that God is Abba Father.  Daddy.  Sometimes only your daddy can say things to you in just the right way.  And he'll let you climb up on his lap.  And cry.  That's what Jesus did in the garden before his crucifixion.  He was desparing to the point of death and cried out Abba Father.

I love my dad, but I really love having a Father that I can cry to and say, Look at this mess!  It's ugly, and yes I'm vain and I'm afraid that it's going to stay this way, and I don't want more surgery, afraid to not get more surgery and I hate myself for being so shallow and vain.  And I'm selfish enough to want a little/big pity party.  Please take it. 

And He did.

it itches!!!

Augggghhhhh!  I'm dying to scratch!!!!!  Please, please, please, let me just claw myself please!

If you've been with me from the beginning of this ordeal, you know how much I LOVE steri strips.  Note to self, write a note of thanks to the inventor of steri strips.

Thank goodness I can't feel anything on the mastectomy side or it'd be double torture.

I'm all red, just like last time.  I put a call in to the nurse and she confirmed that it was the steri strips or the glue and if it's still itchy by Monday to call again and they'll see me.  I guess they want it to heal up a few days before they pull them off.  She said the bump I feel, that is definitely the implant, is nothing, it just needs to settle and it's probably due to stitches or something.  Whatever she said, it made sense at the time.  (I'm such a good patient - whatever you say! tra la la)

I tell you, this whole thing really threw me for a loop.  I never expected to have the breakdown.  That was supposed to happen at the mastectomy, right??  That's what all the books say.  Wrong.  You don't expect to come out of a mastectomy looking normal.  In fact, I thought I looked better than what I expected.  Plus I knew it was not the final stop in my journey.  But this.  I've seen a lot of reconstruction pictures and let me tell you, most of them look pretty decent.  Plus, I kinda liked the look I had with the expander.  I did not like this shriveled, flat prune.

"They" say a lot of things.  And one of them is "it changes every day".  So far, that's true.  So, that's my word of encouragement to the other gals who might read this and also be freaking out.  Give it time.  You'll hear from me, as time goes by, as to whether I like them any better.  Oh yay, more booby posts!

It's still small and flat-ish, but it's not wrinkled any more.  It's filled out, plumped a little.  I've got an odd point, that was there with the expander, but I think that's extra skin he's going to use for the nipple.  It has a nice U shape.  I know that there are gals whose expanders or implants end up in their armpits, or give them a uniboob, or sit high on the pec...  I didn't say this in my last post, but I bent over and thought I saw the dreaded ripple.  I didn't even want to type it.  I don't think it's there any more.  I hope it stays away.

The other side is still swollen some, and perky.  So I have the perky side and the slight droop side.  Hmmm.  Sure, over the years, gravity will bring down that perk.  By the time I'm 80, I'll be even.  LOL!  The sisters will look related.

I dread bra shopping.  The doc said to wait 4 or 5 months before buying the expensive pretty bras.  Right now, I'm supposed to wear a sports bra all day and all night long.  I like the security.  I can't imagine at this point finding anything that would fit both sides at once, so a sports bra is the only thing that would do.  And that lovely white Walmart front closure bra.  Thank you Kim for the heads up on that one.  It's gonna come in handy again.

Oh, I'm back to using 4 pillows at night.  LOL!  Good thing we have a king size bed.  DH is being crowded out as it is.

No pain pills today so far.  I woke up this morning without that pain you get when everything shifts when you sit up.  yay!

so, have you had your boobs squished this year??  Have ya?

I'm home

And a little sore.  I got home yesterday after surgery.  Between naps, I threw up.  That sucked.  My sympathies to the ladies who have to do chemo.  Somehow, I slept all night and woke up feeling so much better.  I'm still sore.

The results.  Not so good, right now.  The lifted side is HUGE, very swollen.  But it's gonna be perky, I can tell.  This is the most sore side.  The implant side, small.  He says it's been squashed by the wrap and will fluff out to be a C cup.  Hmmm.  Looks like a barely B to me.  But I need to trust his 20 years experience and give it time.  It's got a nice little droop, the crease is good.  With the expander, it was a little stripper-ish having a high ridge, but that ridge is gone and has a natural looking slope.  Maybe I got a little too used to the stripper look.  LOL!  I don't care if it's small as long as they both match.  Ya know?  Match at least enough to not be noticable.  Right now it's D cup and B cup.  LOL!  But it's soft.  No more softball on my chest.  I got the saline.  No sloshing yet! 

*sigh* I'm disappointed, because I was expecting the reveal to be awesome.  If I had been prepared I wouldn't be so down.  But, I should have guessed it.  Swelling and squashing. 

SpongeBob Rules!

I went through with it.  If I get up the nerve, I'll post a little picture.  DH is mortified (when did he become so humorless?) but the plastic surgeon loved it and said to keep it on tomorrow.  (of course, it'll be removed when they clean me up for surgery).  Anything to get a chuckle, as far as I'm concerned.  I told him that I wanted them to be "youthful".   So far, I'm first on the surgical list, but I need to call to find out when to report.  Probably around 5:30 a.m.  Yawn.

I'm excited and nervous all at once.  He reassured me that I'll have a good outcome because my skin is in good shape.  He said that since I didn't smoke and didn't have rads, it'll be good.  From what I've read, radiation is hard on skin and makes reconstruction difficult.  You basically can't get just implants, you have to go the DIEP or Tram flap route.  (using skin from your belly or back, or even the GAP procedure which takes it from the buttocks)  I didn't know about this beforehand.  I was headed the lumpectomy/rads route initially, before they found out it was too big.  Well, I can't dwell on that now... The path I'm on has been turned out good for me. 

There.  Put up a picture.  I hope you aren't horrified.  Doesn't SpongeBob look like he's saying "I'm ready!" ?  I know I am.

I can't believe I put a picture up.  On the world wide web!!  Well, it'll get buried soon.

my resolve grows shaky

I don't know if I can go through with the spongebob tattoo.  I get squeemish when I imagine me sitting on the table with the little paper shirt on and the imagining the doctor asking me to open the shirt.  What would I say???  He's a very happy doctor, so I'm sure he'll try to go with the flow, but I'm sure he doesn't remember and will think I'm insane!  The other day I went out and bought 2 more packs of different tattoos.  I showed them to DH and he chose this goofy flower that has a smiley face in the center.  I think he chose it because it was the only one in the general circle-ish shape.  There's a peace symbol, but I'm not the hippie type and it isn't very attractive.  There is one that has 3 hearts, I like that one.  There is a green tree frog, that would be funny, but I might as well put on spongebob.  I think tonight I'll put on the spongebob and live with it for the night and some tomorrow.  Then I'll probably forget about it and not have enough time to remove it and HAVE to go to my pre-op with it on!  That's my plan for fooling myself.  LOL!  Shhhh.  Don't tell.

anyone else watch Lost?

Can I say wow-wee?  They had BETTER not kill off Locke!  He finally got his macho back.  And how scary and creepy was the whole Jacob thing?  One of the reasons I still read my A.N.'s blog is because she writes a real good analysis of this show.  No, I won't give you her blog page.  LOL!

Anyway, in the vortex yesterday, we were discussing Matthew Fox (from Lost) and where he lives.  I HAD heard that he lived in Kailua, but in a nice house in the hills (and gave wild parties where people like to skinny dip).  But yesterday, I heard he lived in the neighborhood near me (the one where the $24mil house sold, supposedly to Oprah).  Which is also where I thought I saw him running this past fall.  Yes, we love to speculate (we can't always be talking about motherly wisdom).  And as close as we are to these Lost characters, I don't get out enough to see them.  :-(  I'm not a good reporter for y'all.  Anyway, one of my friends said she saw Matthew Fox showering off at Kailua Beach Park and thought she recognized him but couldn't remember where.  She was about to walk up to him and say "hey, don't I know you from somewhere, like high school?" but her friend with her told her who it was.  LOL!  That would have been too funny.

*****************************************************************

Last week at a neighborhood Bible study, we met a new couple.  The guy looks a lot like the Bachelor and he even said that some lady stopped him and asked him if he was Andy the Bachelor.  He doesn't watch t.v. so he had no clue who she was talking about.  The group of us talked about some famous people spotted on the island and I said that Jim Neighbors lives here and can often be spotted at concerts.  He was like, who?  I almost fainted.  Because that means he doesn't even know who Gomer Pyle is (and this is a soldier!).  Everyone knows Gomer.  Golly.  One occasionally runs into a person who doesn't own a t.v. or wasn't allowed to watch during childhood, but even rarer is the person completely media clueless.  LOL!  But good for him and his parents.  I think it's a good thing.  I watch way too much t.v.

*************************************************

Ryan has a crush.  Her name is Lilly.  Since he can't pronounce his L's well, it's Wiwy.  He-he!  It's so cute.  She doesn't know.  :-)  But she is the only person at school he told about the camping weekend.  Awwwwww.  He's so cute!

Jake, No!  He doesn't have a girlfriend.  Ewwww, yuck!  :-)  Also very cute.

assumptions & rebellion

Yesterday I got sucked in to reading things that got me pondering.

Online, I've got a few acquaintances who are very different from me, uh, religiously.  One woman, I've previously referred to her as my arch nemesis.  She's not, I just like that term.  We crossed paths once and she flamed the living daylights out of me and I posted a hasty retreat.  She does not know that I read her blog.  No, I'm not a stalker, she actually scares me.  I do like her writing because she's smart and a good writer and I think it's morbid curiosity.  Maybe a hint of stalking, now that I read this.  LOL!  But, she does spew abuse to those who do not comply with her viewpoint, so it's wise to stay away from her radar.  Her blog yesterday spewed forth venom yet again.  (it's her blog and she can blog what she wants to - no, not a J-lander)

The other gal is not like this lady at all.  She's nice, but we have our own different minds about subjects that we agreed we cannot talk about.  We both belong to an online group and converse regularly.  She's also part of an online book review thing, so I get updates on her current reads.  One book in particular she's reading caught my attention so I looked it up on amazon and read reviews.

What's in common with these two things, the book and the blog entry?  The assumptions made.  Almost identical.

What comes to mind when you hear these things?:

I'm Southern Baptist

I'm a Christian

I'm curious what you thought.  I hope it wasn't horrible.  But if it was like what I read, I wouldn't like me either.  I'm glad these people/things aren't the definers of  reality.  :-)

**********************************************************************

So, for those of you who don't like religious talk, here's your cue to exit...

Well, I felt compelled to say SOMETHING.  Had to get it off my chest and this is all the Lord is allowing.  In fact, when my blood started to boil, the Lord told me that I was supposed to be praying for my arch nemesis (heretofore known as A.N.).  I have NOT been praying for my A.N.  I have been rebelling.  He's been telling me for years to pray for her and I've thrown out a few.  But He's compelling me to do it again.  Have you tried to ignore God when He's asking you to pray for someone?  It's hard!!  I hope I'm not the only one who struggles with rebellion.  Well, maybe I should hope that I am!  :-)  Anyway, there were some particular words that literally jumped off the screen at me and smacked me in the face and said, this woman is crying out for help regardless that her words are just the opposite.  Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  It's hard.

Is it melodramatic of me to want to call her my arch nemesis (A.N.)?    ;-)

good news!

My mammogram was good!  Yipee!

Whew!

She had to retake one shot (due to denseness), and then it took them forever to read them.  But very much worth the wait.  It felt so unusual to just walk away.  She came in and told me I was good to go, so I had to confirm exactly what she meant.  She said, it's good, see ya next year!  (I gave a little whoop!)

What a relief.  When I was sitting there in the gown, waiting and waiting, I started to get those familiar feelings.  I didn't like the looks of that stereotactic table, and there was some poor lady in the ultrasound room.  All reminders to me that no, I'm not crazy to be so diligent in checking myself in the shower.  It happens, it did happen, and it can happen again.

But for now, I can breathe!  And I do like breathing in that fresh Hawaii air!

B@@B post

Okay, I've just been reading posts at a BC site and felt compelled to post.  I was reading about a young lady who recently had a mastectomy (a double) and felt like a 14 year old boy and was afraid to show her DH.  (her DH has been very kind and gentle with her)  These are VERY common feelings.  I just feel compelled to express my gratitude to my DH.  It didn't much even cross my mind (poor guy) that he might not want to see.  I didn't give him a choice after my surgery.  He was the one to unwind me from the wrap.  He was the first to see - even before me.

As I've gone through these months since surgery, he's been subjected to me pointing out EVERYTHING.  Honey, come look at this.  Honey, look at the marks this bra left on me.  Honey, look at how I don't fill out this bra.  Honey, do you think I'll be this same shape after my surgery? ... Poor man.  It doesn't occur to me that this is not as fascinating to him as it is to me.  Except when it's time to be "close".  Ahem.  THEN I want to cover up.  But bless his soul, it's all gotta come off.  Not only do I have this scarred fake boob and the scarred natural boob, I've got all this blubber.  I'm at my very heaviest, not counting pregnancy.  He doesn't care.  Now that's a good man!  (and maybe bordering on desperate?  LOL!)

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Okay, off of sex and on to the other bosom subject.  Yesterday I drove home from the camping trip.  It took about 1 1/2 hours.  DH's car.  Got home and took a shower.  Noticed a largish dent in the center of my boob.  Ack!  Wasn't there before.  And, does it look smaller?  Do I have a leak?  Didn't feel sloshy.  Not to panic. I've had weird indentations from seams in bras, so I was going to wait and see.  I was wearing my fave bra, so that wasn't it.  Maybe the expander rotated due to the rough night of tent sleeping?  Wonder, wonder.  So I used my free time to go to the mall.  Guess what?  It soon became clear that it was the seat belt!!  It hits my chest in a different spot than my car!  Ding, ding, ding!!  (I'm sure you figured it out immediately) 

This does not happen to natural boobs.  At least it hasn't ever happened to me before.  Will this happen withimplants?  Or will a whole new set of surprises come?  Oh, the other thought I had.  What if I did have a leak?  How would that affect my high blood pressure, all that saline flooding my system?  Gotta ask the PS that one.  But I doubt he will know.  Just a hunch.

Obviously it's bedtime.  You may not believe this - but I will not be dwelling on this all night.  I'm not the type, usually, where thoughts swirl around all night keeping me awake.  (only if I'm nervous about an event happening the next day, "first day of school syndrome")  Now that I've released it out there, I probably won't even give it a second thought and will forget to ask the PS!  LOL!  I have dingy moments.  :-)

busy, busy, busy

camping with the cubscouts this weekend.  I stayed just one night. I can't do two nights!  Egads!  A gal needs a shower in private!

No, I had to meet someone at church this morning, so that was my excuse for coming home.  We are discussing hosting a 5 day bible club this summer in my backyard - the lady we're talking to works for Child Evangelism.  She's like in her 80's - but spunky!  Our church isn't having a vacation bible school - and I haven't heard about any other churches having one.  Lot's of kids come to the Lord, or first hear about the Lord this way, so I think it would be great to host this.

My birthday is tomorrow.  I'll be 42.  (yes, I'm still clinging to the 41 for as long as I can)  I don't feel any older.  But I hope this year is better than last.  Let's see.  I'm getting a new boob and getting a lift - so that's a good start.  We are going out to eat tonight instead of tomorrow.  I'm recording The Two Towers - so I'm not missing it!

Anyway, my mammogram is Tuesday.  I finally broke down and told my Sunday School class.  Well, I've only attended the class like 4 times.  The teacher always passes out index cards for you to write your name and number and a prayer concern to share with one other person in the class. I did that, but I thought I really needed to get the whole class praying for me.  No need to keep things such a secret.  Of course I started bawling - but I'm an easy crier.  Anyway, our sweet teacher offered to come with me to my mammogram.  How sweet is that?  She said that she had a friend, about 10 years ago, go through all this and she went to a lot of her appointments.  I would love to have her go, but I've got to carry the boys to their dad's work so he can watch them during my appointment.  (surprise, no school that day)  Too many moving parts, it makes me anxious just thinking about it!

I'll post camping pictures when I get them downloaded. 

pictures and interesting news

First, the pictures.  I tried taking pictures of my hair, but they were just too horrible.  I am not photogenic.  But last night I was looking at my hair drooping down beside my face and thought, they look like dog ears.  And then I flashed back to when I was a kid and my mom used to put my hair up in pigtails.  We called them puppy dog ears.  So I did that and took a goofy picture of myself.  Just little nubs on either side.  But funny.

2nd.  I found a spongebob tattoo.  I think it's perfect!  Can't wait to surprise my plastic surgeon.  I'm sure he won't remember, but *I'll* be laughing, and that counts.  He-he!

Now for the interesting news.  During supper last night, Gary asks me what I think about Japan.  As in, moving there on our next assignment.  Of course, I was jumping up and down out of my seat!  I've got itchy feet and love to travel.  I'm thrilled at the prospect of living in another country!  I didn't think we'd ever go further than Hawaii.  I'm stunned that he's even considering it.  My DH is such a homeboy.  He denies it, but he'd be happy living next door to his mama all his life.

Now, you might think that's weird, considering I just posted about yearning to go back to Alabama.  No one said it had to make sense.  I do long for roots, but I also love to travel and see what this old world's all about.

So I post haste hopped online and missed most of American Idol.  I looked up the base, which is near Tokyo, and found out they had pictures and floor plans of housing.  No matter how much I've travelled, it still stuns me that a point on the other side of the globe can look so much like everywhere else I've been.  Call me crazy, but by golly, it's got grass, dirt, trees, blue skies...  I know that's a "duh" thing, but I still have that instant of surprise.  And the pictures of the housing?  Just like every other housing on every other military installation in America.  Same old cinder block house or townhouse.  Nothing unfamiliar there.  Gary tells me that the we would have a particular house.  The job he would do is considered "essential personnel", so there is an assigned house on base.  Interesting...  And it would be a little bit bigger because he would have to have been promoted to get that job.  From O-5 to O-6.  (from Lt.Col. to Col.)  I wonder if I'm too old to learn Japanese?

marathon update

I don't think I mentioned this before, I've really been upset by it.  But Gary came to the realization that his December Japan trip will coincide with the date of the marathon.  I would not be able to do the marathon because who would watch the boys for 8+ hours?

Susan would, that's who!  She's Patrick's mom, one of my mom friends in the VMW (vortex of motherly wisdom).  Her husband is running the marathon, so they will be up and there already.  The boys are best friends, so they will entertain each other - and she doesn't know this yet, but I'm taking a hotel room so they can even go there and swim.  She is a teacher and is SO GOOD with kids.  She's amazing.  She even offered to have the boys sleep over.

This would be such an answer to prayer.

Again, my problems are minor, but this made me really happy.

I love May!

I have decided that May is my favorite month - after December (because of Christmas).  May is full of so many fun things in the Brock household.

Birthdays:  Mine!, my MIL's, my brother's, my SIL's, a niece

Holidays: Mother's day, Memorial Day and Boy's Day

Mine and Gary's Anniversary #19

Plus this year I get a new boob and a lift on the old remaining one.

It's all good!  The only dark clouds are so trivial, calling them dark clouds is just melodrama.  Let's see, I have a mammogram (I've already beat that dead horse), I don't have my contact yet (but it's been ordered) and my new haircut looks like Prince Valient.

Let's discuss the haircut.  Let's not.  Prince Valient says it all.  I'll go back and get highlights and when I do I'll get her to work on the shape.  Maybe my bangs will have grown out a tad by then...  Yes, I'm going back.  I liked her personality.  AND she said she likes my gray on me.  LOL!  I guess flattery does work!  But I must say, Earl did do a much better haircut.  I think it was a miscommunication.  I hope.  LOL!

I've got to say this though, the haircut on another person would look fine.  I've been noticing it everywhere.  Patricia Arquette on Medium has it, Barbara Walters has it.  But I've got just enough curl and weirdness that I look more like PV.  It needs a little tapering to get a cute, rounder fun fluffy wedgy shape in back, and not such a severe cut on the bang.  Normally, the hairdressers do this without me having to tell them.  I usually just have to tell them how short and to not cut the sides short and it always turns out pretty much the same.  Hmmm.

There.  I've gotten it out of my system.  Now we all can get on with our regular programming.  :-)

I'm so vain.